"Pretty in Pink" and a walk on the "Dark Side"

Nelma answered the phone this morning,not an unusual event in itself. It was a phone call from my mother. Usually a happy occasion because my mother is 80 years old and it is always good to hear her voice. As Nelma brought the phone up stairs to me she said, "mother says, she has some bad news to tell you." As all of you, I am sure are painfully aware, this is not the way one would like to start any conversation with their mother or anyone else.

Through her sobs and tears she ultimately gave me the "bad news." She informed me that my sister just found out that she has breast cancer. They had just received the biopsy result and were going to the doctor to discuss treatment options. Treatment options seems like such an innocuous phrase doesn't it? Yet, we all know that it usually means surgery, radiation, chemo-therapy or a combination of these. What is it about those three small words "you have cancer" that strike fear into our hearts? I have heard those words before but never about my sister, my only sister.

I remember sitting in the doctor's office with Nelma as her father received those three ominous words, "you have cancer." It was a bitter pill to swallow when I sat with my own father and heard the doctor say, "you have cancer." I have shared this moment with more families than I can recall throughout the years. Some were survivors others were not. Some survived for years only to hear "the cancer has returned." These words seem to have a life all there own that needs no specific context to make them real. They are dreaded, dark, oppressive and frightening. They exist in a world all there own. Why can't I shake the foreboding feeling that these three little words conjure in my mind?

As I ponder my own attitude about the pink baseball bats on mother's day. Or as I reflect obsessively on the pink ribbons and the walk for the cure. I recognize all of these things raise an awareness of breast cancer, yet it seldom seems real until it affects us personally. It is easy for us to smile and think, "What a good thing that they are doing." They are involved in such a noble cause. I can't help but think, I would like to walk for my sister. But is that only because now it it real?

However, is it only when it strikes a family member that we suddenly become more aware and engaged? Still I have walked through this dark valley with countless other families and dear friends. I can't even recall how many hospital waiting rooms or even how many funerals through the years. I still see so many of the faces. I recall both agony and serenity on so many faces. I wonder what does it say about me and what does it all mean?

The broader truth is that we are waging a battle, a life and death struggle, and it is not in "a galaxy far far away." It is right here in our own little cosmos, this microcosm, our own third rock from the sun. It is not only cancer, it Alzheimer's, MS, Lou Gehrig's disease, depression, diabetes and heart disease. Faithful warriors waging the battle of their life often in a lost cause, yet they battle on day after day. Would I have such courage in the face of decay?

We have friends who have family members suffering with Alzheimer's. Everyday is a life and death struggle. It is difficult to watch this disease take its toll on a loved one day after day. Someone who is alive but not really living. Always hoping for that one good day, you know the one I mean, when they recognize who you are, when you are known by someone who should know you so well.

I have shared far too many memories like this with friends, family and those of my fellowship. Why do I have so many memories like this? What am I to do with the memories?

All my life I seem to be battling the "dark side."

Just somethings to think about along the way.

Bob

When the Rooster Crows!

In modern American culture most people we know do not greet the dawn with the crowing of a rooster. The closest most of us come is a novelty alarm clock or the ring tones on our cell phone. I actually know two people who have a crowing rooster as their ring tone. something that is a novelty to us however, was common place for the people of Jesus's time. It was quite familiar to me for most of my early life. Even though it is not a part of our everyday life most of us are aware of this unique experience through books, television or the movies. We are not so far removed that we cannot imagine what it would be like to greet the day with a rooster's crow.

Let me share a couple interesting observations by Fredrick Buechner. They are both regarding a sermon preached by Dr. Robert MacFarlane about knowing who Jesus is. The first is more an observation about preaching in general and the second is about a specific sermon on the denial of Jesus by Peter.

Buechner says, "One particular sermon I will always remember though I cannot be sure that is exactly the sermon he preached because of course it is the sermons we preach to ourselves around the preacher's sermons that are the ones that we hear most powerfully." It has been my experience that this statement is an accurate assessment of preaching. We all take what the preacher says and preach our own sermon.

He next speaks about the sermon on Peter's denial. The back story on Peter's denial if you remember, is that Jesus has foretold Peter's denial. Peter is now warming himself by the enemy's fire. When questioned by the servant of the high priest, Peter replies, "I do not even know who he is." At that moment the prediction of Jesus unfolds and Peter in sorrow recalls.

In an instant, like the thunder's crash the prince of the barnyard struts to his roof top perch. He stretches his walking stick neck, throws back his red crowned head, his sharp beak juts forth toward heaven and he calls to awaken the morning sun. The rooster crows! He sings loud and clear, the trumpet call a sound of warning and alarm. The rooster crows! In that moment Peter sorrowfully remembers the prediction of Jesus. What seemed to be inconceivable only hours before now is only too real. He has denied his Lord. The rooster crowed!

It was Peter's denial but it was something more. It was both denial and truth. It is a reoccurring theme in the gospels. The disciples of Jesus frequently speculate on who Jesus might be. It is true for Peter, true for the disciples in general and it is true of me. I must confess that I frequently don't know who he is. He always seems to just beyond my grasp. I catch a glimpse of him from behind. He is a shadow on the edge of my vision. On those rare occasions when I stretch out my hand to grab hold, only to touch the hem of his garment. For all my desire to know him he continues to elude me.

Buechner says, "We can love him, we can learn from him, but we can only come to know him by following him- by searching for him in his church, in his gospel and in each other." We are seekers, searchers reaching out to that which is beyond us and yet is a part of us. We are in him and he is in us. Each Sunday, with each breaking of bread, in every sip of juice, with each act of worship and service we come to know him.

I hear the rooster crow,

My tears and fears so cold.

My denial, "this man I do not know,"

Suddenly the rooster crows!

Basking in the light so bold,

The wonder of dawns healing glow.

"More about Jesus would I know,

More of his grace to others show,"

Weeping, I hear the rooster crows.

Who is this Jesus I do not know?

Whose death I now behold.

His body, the pain untold,

We listen, for the rooster's crow.

I long for resurrection to unfold,

Remember not the rooster's crow.

But only Jesus, let me know.

Just somethings to think about along the way.

Bob

"You are God and I am Not!"

As I prepared to exit my car a couple of days ago I heard the following single phrase of a song, "you are God and I am not." At first blush I thought "this is the most absurdly obvious statement I have ever heard." I admit that this is a knee jerk reaction. I also know that I sometimes over-react to things. I realize that it is just a song, or to be more accurate a simple phrase from a song. I attempt to exercise caution and avoid making too much out of song lyrics. I have often counseled others to be cautious of the same thing. Yet, I still believe that there is some truth in my immediate reaction. It is or at least it should be obvious to everyone that "I am not God!"

I don't know any more words to the song. I did not hear any more of the song. I don't know what the title of the song might be. As you can see there is a lot I don't know about this song. I have reflected on this phrase for the last several days. I have given it enough time to simmer. To be completely honest I have stewed over it for what I am sure amounts to more hours than was necessary and may be even healthy. As we all know some things get better with age and other things simply begin to smell. Which of these might be true concerning my thoughts and comments I don't know. I am certain that others will be better judges of this than I am. You be the judge.

The fact that not only have others made this statement, but I have been known to make this obvious statement myself hints at a potential spiritual conundrum. The thought must have at least crossed my mind at some point. I must have considered that in some way or fashion I am "the master of my own destiny and the captain of my own fate." I must have heard the whispers somewhere in the deepest recesses of my being that this was a possibility. Hidden away in that secret place, that dark corner of my existence, the place that I am reluctant to expose to the light, the thought must have occurred to me that I am in control of my life and circumstances.

For some reason I feel the urge to remind myself that "I am not God!" It is not enough to simply remind myself of this fact but also to vocalize the words. I need, for some reason, to hear these words fall like rain from my own lips. I let them wash over me like a flood. They surround me and engulf me as I am immersed in the reality of the this simple yet profound truth, "You are God and I am not!"

What do you think?

Absurdly Obvious?
Simply Profound?
Necessary Reminder?
Verbal Confession?

Just somethings to think about along the way.

Bob