"Bowling for Life Skills"

Henri Nouwen the Author, Lecturer and Teacher left Harvard to become a priest at Daybreak, a L'Arche community near Toronto. It is a community of 150 severely handicapped people and 50 assistants. The first thing they asked him to do was help Adam with his morning routine. Nouwen says,

Adam, a twenty-four-old was not able to talk, nor was he able to walk. Adam was not able to dress or undress himself. Even though he followed me with his eyes,it was difficult to know for sure whether or not he actually knew me. He was limited by a body that was misshapen, and he suffered form frequent epileptic seizures. God was speaking to me in a new way through this broken man. Little by little,I discovered affection in myself and came to believe that Adam and I belonged together. To put it simply, Adam silently spoke to me about God and God's friendship in a concrete way. First, he taught me that being is more important than doing, that God wants me to be with him and not do all sorts of things to prove I'm valuable. My life had been doing, doing, doing. I'm a driven person, wanting to do thousands and thousands of things so that I can show-somehow, finally-that I'm worth while. People had said, "Henri, you're okay." but now, here with Adam, I heard, "I don't care what you do, as long as you will be with me." It wasn't easy just to be with Adam. It isn't easy simply to be with a person and not do much. Adam taught me something else: the heart is more important than the mind. When you've come from an academic culture, that's hard to learn. Thinking with the mind, having arguments, discussing, writing, doing-that's what a human being is....When the physical, emotional, intellectual, or moral life commands all the attention, we are in danger of forgetting the primacy of the heart.

On Wednesday afternoon the Middle School Principal called me. I was momentarily taken back by her request. She said, "Bob, would you be interested in going bowling with the "Life Skill" class on Thursday? I surprised myself with how quickly I replied saying, "I would be happy to go with them." I am familiar with these students because I have worked the Special Olympics Basketball skills contest our school had hosted for the last 4 years.

After I hung up the phone I began to think about what I had just volunteered to do. I must admit that I felt some fear and apprehension about what the next day would bring. I couldn't help but wonder what "Life Skills" I might learn that next day.

Promptly at 8:15 two teacher's aids, myself and five Middle School boys loaded up our little yellow school bus and set out on what would be about a two hour journey to Dallas and bowling. One student fell asleep immediately, one just sat and smiled, two sat together and pestered each other, and one(Austin) talked non-stop the entire time. One question Austin asked me stuck with me. He said, "did you preach for a real church?" The immediate non-thinking response was yes. However, I have given his question serious consideration since that time and after further reflection wonder if I might not want to change my answer. The answer, I suppose, depends upon how you define real.

Upon our arrival I set out to help the boys find their teams and bowling lanes. This was a Special Olympics competition and each lane had two high school student volunteers to assist the athletes. As I left my last student at his lane, a young Downs Syndrome boy in a Frisco school T-shirt and holding his teachers hand waved to me. I waved back and smiled. He released his teachers hand and running toward me put his arms around me and hugged me. His teacher shrugged her shoulders and smiled and mouthed the words, "don't ask me." I recalled a line from the movie Forrest Gump. Forrest says, "I am not a smart man, but I know what love is!"

After the Awards Ceremonies one of my students(Lonnie) said, "I want to sit with you on the way home." These two events made my day much brighter. I received much more from this experience than I gave. It occurs to me that maybe this was what Henri Nouwen was trying to say. Sometimes thinking(being smart) gets in the way of the heart (experiencing love). I did not have to do anything, just let him hug me. It has been said that the great thing about a hug is that when you give one, you get one. I did not do anything I was just there.

"Bowling for Life Skills!" Here are a few "Life Skills" I gained:

You don't have to do anything, just be there.

The heart is more important than the mind.

Being real is better than being right.

Love trumps everything.

Just some things to think about along the way. Hope to see you on the road.

Bob

The quote above was taken from pages 44 & 45 Spiritual Direction "Wisdom for the Long walk of faith." Henri Nouwen with Michael J. Christensen and Rebecca J. Laird.